the bear jaws snap down trapping my brain in a migraine

suicidal tendencies and tsol echo somewhere beyond my eyes

despite what's being played on the radiorockstation

my hands struggle to follow a supercharged chocolate recipe

but the sensation doesn't abate

of being in a washer on the spin cycle

trying to make sense of the letters on the page takes aching long minutes

aggravating the spikes in my head

my stomach twists and plummets

the indicative flaregun of something out of sight going terribly wrong

i want to sit on the floor and weep

i don't know where i am or how i got here

how long i've lingered

but the name that must be mine sounds completely alien

and like the dream said i want nothing more than

to head westnotsouth--westnotsouth

but i'm afraid of my own hands

and now the snow has locked the guardian out

and left me here where i can't even spell its name

i just want the echoing in my head to end

i just want to sleep and wake up in fey land

and i want to forget the mess i can't make sense of ever happened

ever kept happening

every winter as long as i can remember

i want spiced wine in the bar that looks like a cafe

and a fresh bogmonster on a school night

and the damn monkey tree that i looked for all autumn

only to find tangled with the holly tree bursting with berries

in my own backyard

i want to go home

and stop feeling like i don't know where or what that is

beyond the suggestion of a feeling