has not gone so well for me. i have been manic for most of it, or rapidly cycling between normal, manic, and depressed during the course of a day. (things may look up soon with the discovery of a new doctor. i hope.)

mostly, though, i am just irritated. the shaking of my hands caused by the higher dosage of medication renders painting and drawing almost impossible, more often than not. i could not model for the life of me. i have barely been able to work on the fantasy manuscript, and i've been absolutely livid that i should have so many fantastic ideas for horror and am unable to do more than drop a bare-bones outline on notebook paper.

things will change soon, though. i can taste it.

(so, in short, i apologize for not posting since gods-know-when.)

i recovering well from my life traumas and pouring myself into my writing as i try to pull myself from the grip of depression.

i started editing a dark fantasy manuscript today that has been collecting dust for about four? i think? years now.

i've whipped through four chapters in about five hours including breaks. it's good to feel proud of my work again.

****

anyway, that means i won't probably be painting for the rest of the winter, and also means that i will not have much time for modelling until spring. i will let everyone know when i'm available again!

for those of you who do not already know:

i have spent the last year dealing with the deaths of the two most important people to come into my life: my grandmother who molded most of the woman i became, and the man who was my soul mate and in a perfect world, should have been my husband.

i have slipped between extreme episodes of manic-depression. thankfully, i have managed to stay out of in-patient hospitalization, albeit at times only barely. i have been rendered for the most part completely incapacitated when it comes to painting or modeling. i write scads and reams; it's mostly electronic or i'd be drowning in paper... but as of this time it is too personal to share. i am still to raw and cindered to share myself that deeply.

i am extremely grateful to those of you reading or viewing my work. more will come when i'm standing on both feet--somewhere other than on a windy precipice. thanks for your patience throughout all this. for those of you who have passed on your sympathies and well-wishes--thank you so much. it means more than i can say.

i will try to at least keep in touch once a month by journals at the minimum.

i have received during this tender time while i am grieving the man i have referred to for the last seven years as my soul mate, my Other, my Self:




(the following dated Nov 12, 2007, 5:21:49 PM)


Iam sorry about your lost dear, my question was normal cause since you've joined you should have submited often , i hope u feel a bit better and let u know that u have at least 3 works in ur gallery with corsets that u can submit

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AshelleRavenscraft said the following:

i would love to. i have been grieving someone very close to me. i haven't really touched my studio in the weeks since his death, but when i am ready to go back to work, i am sure you will be among the first to know.

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Corset-Fetish-Club said the following:

Hello dear,
would u mind to think a bit about the club and submit something or u dont want to stay as member? you haven't submit anything that i remember since you've joined i think is about time and you said you would do with the submission rules






AND TODAY I RECEIVED THIS GEM (dated Dec 1, 2007, 11:14:49 AM)
:

Hello dear,
i think we have a problem with you not submiting as often as you tought u would, maybe is a better idea that you join back the club when u have more corset works you can submit





well, sugar. strap me in tight. i don't think i can quite handle it when you turn on the charm and sympathy and compassion on FULL BLAST.

i think the problem isn't me at all. i think you don't understand SOMEONE DIED.

as i said earlier, i will post new poetry and artwork WHEN I HAVE FINISHED SOMETHING, AFTER I HAVE PUT MY HEART AND HEAD AND LIFE BACK TOGETHER ENOUGH to create.

UNLIKE WHAT I SAID EARLIER

i sure as hell am not planning on supporting the Corset Fetish Club.

thanks for your concern. fucker.s.

mindblown.

interesting.... choice.

...The Same (full name "Aphrodites Pandemos and Urania Never Saw That They Were the Same") just surpassed all of my modeling photos for pageviews. i'm ecstatic my art is finally getting noticed. and i'm rather amazed by which painting got that recognition....

ironically, that portion of my life... the events that inspired the piece, are now slamming to a rough sandpapery head-on collision between semis sort of ending. years and years later.

thank you, very much. it means alot to me. especially now.